YOU, ME, US

I may be an amazing person, or a horrible one. You may be great or terrible as well. And being one or another is pretty important in life. But it is less important in relationships. Because relationships arent just about you and me. They are about US. The way we fit together and have fun.

I was just thinking....

My linear algebra class from Fall 07 has been amazing. Not the class itself, just all the people in it. I just wish we all KNEW each other back then. ....

A line...

...from a great poem. Habit is given us by heaven's bequest: It is almost as good as happiness. A.S. Pushkin, "Eugen Onegin"

I feel...

I feel warm. Like laying in the sun. When it is not hot, more like fall.

I feel happy. Like the grass. When it still grows and enjoys the sun.

I feel calm. Like the leaf. When it is red or orange and lays on the ground.

Summer '08

So here is a short report. Summer was again amazzin!

• Camping.
• My 21st birthday.
• Moscow walks with Lena, Dima and my uncle.
• Going to Nijniy Novgorod for 2 great days on a HUGE truck.
• 30 hours on the bus to get down south.
• Black sea = pure happiness.
• Swimming at night, during storm.
• Four wheeling in the mountains.
• Motorcycle and scooter ridin'
• Jeeping.
• Holland to see Minday.
• ALMOST missing my plane to Amsterdam - that was pretty fun.
• Museums in Amsterdam.
• Eftelink.
• Flying first class =D
• Coffee shops, ah those famous coffee shops :)
• Beautiful Russian churches.
• Super Nintendo with my brother - I can't resist Donkey Kong country :)
• My new sweet camera
• Going to Sochi - where the olympiad 2014 is going to take place at.

That's it.

Maybe I will remember some more.

Love.

Me

Comebacks

She poured water in the teapot.
- I think we should try to save water and shower together. - he said.
- Great idea... But we might stay there longer though. So there will be no savings overall.

He ate Ramen Noodles for dinner.

- If you don't care about environment, would you like to do it just for fun? -he said with a big smile and continued, - It always, takes me a while to think of a comeback. All the brilliant things I should have said come to my mind later.

She drunk her cup of tea.
-I think we should practice on each other - she said.
-What? I think I am pretty good at showering.
-No! Not showering. Comebacks.

Then she washed the dishes.

My major

When I told my brother I switched to physics, he said: "You don't like physics. You just want to be around guys all the time". I tried to argue at first. However the more I think about it, the more I realise that it had to do with my decision. I want to be around SMART guys. Meeting Trevor, Anjan, Shawn and Tim definetely had to do with my change of major. I just realised that working in physics will put me around people like them. And the more new physics majors I meet, the more I understand that I like this kind of people. That's it.

Let go

It seems so easy at first. Day, night, talks, laughs. I kept on telling myself it was nothing but a summer romance.

We said our last good byes before I left.

On the way back, I could not get the song out of my head.

It is plain and simple. Written by one of the guys I know.

She kissed me slowly

Underneath the willow tree

And my knees began to get weak

On that night we

Drove out to see the bay

Before we had to say

Our last good byes.

Do you remember?

Walking in the sand?

Holding hand in had?

Sleeping for two whole days and

Waking up to Sunrise?

Just to be,

You and me

Those are my favorite memories?

Time passing slow,

And now that I am not far away,

And I wish thatI could come back home

To lay beside you

For one more day

We could talk about

Our good and bad

The times we shared

And the memories we had.

Honey.

Haha. Please. Please stop it. Stop tickling me. Man. Hahaha. Stop. You. Know. You better stop. Otherwise. It might end badly. You are on my territory. Please stop! No one knows where you are. Well maybe My family does - but they will help me anyways. You may scream. Our house is kinda far. Nobody will possibly hear anything. I told you that I really liked you. I told you you were great. I think you just MIGHT be delicious. As well.

Over.

Now they are over

The kisses and sights,

All things are different

In everyday life.

Why didn't time stop,

Just for you and me?

That 's all we wished for.

On the beach by the sea.

I felt it slow down,

When we shared last night,

Under the stars,

On the rocks, sight by side.

Black sea

So I wrote that on my way home from black sea, because we were on the bus for 30+ hours and it was very boring.
Palm trees and mountains,
Leisure all day,
Storm on the sea,
And nice queit bay.

Dances and parties,
Wine, chacha, beer,
Rocks on the beach,
That became very dear.

All days are similar,
Still never the same,
Breakfast, sea, tanning,
Dinner, card game.

Walking the city,
Back to the sea,
Supper, then phone call,
He is waiting for me.

Going to bars,
Talking, kissing, cocktails,
Then to the beach,
To watch stars, sea and sails.

Swimming at night,
Then trying to dry,
Looking at him -
What a great guy!

Out till early,
Almost all stars are gone,
When we go to bed,
Just to rise with the sun.

Starting all over,
With a new day,
I love down south,
What else can I say?

I guess...

... i would have gone crazy if i had to live here all the time.

University of Michigan - Physics

My mom just came up to me with a t-shirt. It said University of Michigan - Physics. I had it since 2003. Back then : 1. I had no clue I was going to go to U of M 2. I could never even suppose I would decide to study physics. I HATED it with passion. No kidding. I got this t-shirt when my High School Calculus class went on a field trip to Ann Arbor. We toured the school and got free t-shirts. I know it might all be just a conicidence. But as Einstein said "God does not play dice". I feel that I found my path. Like Carlos Castaneda calles it " a path with heart". I have never enjoyed learning about anything else, as much as I enjoy learning about Quantum Physics. Well maybe reading about Napoleon Bonaparte, but I think I can consider him my childhood crush (: So maybe I again see something because I look for it and it IS just a coincidence. Or maybe it really is my path with a heart, that I got to follow and I was just getting clues earlier. Who knows?

Maybe I am crazy. Maybe.

Have you ever had a nightmare? You get fired from work, have a monster chasing you, or fall down from the skyscraper. At some point of time you get extremely scared and then - wake up. Why do you get scared though? Nothing can happen to you - you are laying in the comfort of your bed. However, while you are asleep you think everything you see is real. Now once you wake up you know everything is real. But didn't you think everything was real in your dream? Get it? Well maybe, just maybe our life is just a long complicated dream. Way more complicated than the dreams we see. Zigmund Freud wrote that our dreams are but a mirror of our subconcious, so what if the reality is nothing but a distorted mirror of our consious. All you the experiences your subconcious has during the day become a part of your dream. Therefore in a way everything you consiously think of, dream of, are afraid of, eventually comes true. The fact that life is just a dream is maybe the reason why Buddha called his enlightment the awakening, when he realised that there is undying happiness, attainable through human effort. Does it seem similar to your thoughts when you wake up from a nightmare and say "Oh, I am so glad it is just a dream". ? Now one main question here might be If it is MY dream, does it mean that everything is here only because I want it to be? What about other people? That gets a little complicated now. It is your dream, but other people are IN it also, so we all create the reality together. In other words - you can do anything you want as long as it won't make other people lose their mind. You can fly! But seriously - if you will jump of the roof of your house and start flying, it will damage other people's brains and their perception. So that is why you can't fly. [dont try] Now all I want to say to any, who had enough patience to read through that and though something like "omg this girl is crazy" - that is just one of the theories I have. There are many many more =] So maybe I AM crazy. Love, Me

About me.

So just as one of my friends V, I got disappointed in the Facebook/Myspace type "About me" sections. Seriously, who reads them anyways? If I look at the profile of someone I don't know and their "about me" is more than 10 lines long, I don't read it. We have to admit it. Most of us (me included) are not that great of writers and reading somebody's attempts to be creative might be a little dreadfull, not gonna lie. I like reading "About me"'s of people I know well, regardless of quality and size. But then again, if I say that I know those people well, I should know by now the information they put in the public profile. So, obviously, I am not the audience this "About me" should be directed towards. You get the point. People who know you, know whatever you write in your "About me" even before you write ot. People who don't know you, probably won't have enough patience to read through your lengthy description of your personal qualities, fears and achievements, and the short "About me"'s aren't going tell them anything anyways. I guess I am overanalyzing everything again. I will write more later.

In case you are wondering...

which you are not.

...but as I am bored and its 2 am I will write it here. The deal is - I finally figured EXACTLY what I want to do with my life.

So here is the brief plan:

-Next two years or so I will spend studying physics at the University of Michigan - Flint. I will be tutoring, doing some reasearch, and getting myself ready for GRE.

-Then I think I will get married to someone who will have similar interestt and will be my colleague throughout my research.

- Once I am done, I will go to Grad school. I am thinking West Coast, but that might change. I am going to study Quantum physics.

-My doctorate is going to be on the connection between quntum physics, philosophy and religion. I already have them all connected in my mind, I just don't have enough knowlendge to actually put it all in words.

-My dissertation will be the base of a book, I will write.

-Once I have my sweet PhD, I am going to start Teaching and doing research. I am going to work at CERN at some point of time and teach in some school in France.

- That is when me and my hubby decide to have kids.

-I am going to live in france for about 2 years.

-Eventually I am going to go to Nepal and live there for a while.

-I will travel aroud the world and teach.

-Eventually I will come back to US and then I will discover something a-mazing.

-When I am about 45 I will get a Nobel Prise. Maybe earlier.

Now I am only sure about the bold parts.

My summer.

So as of recently my summer in Russia has been pretty good. No skydiving this time though - I am saving money. To be 100% honest though - I spent first two weeks here doing absolutely nothing. Like NOTHING AT ALL. Feels sorta weird. I got used to being busy and doing stuff. But it felt nice and was what I planned for. All I do here in hang out with my family, Lena and couple other friends. I feel too lazy to call anyone else and tell them, that I am here to hang out. After all I dont really miss any of them. I guess I always kind of knew I wasn't going to stay here in Russia for long, so I haven't even attempted to make any close friends over two years I lived here. So basically all people I see now are the friends I had back in Tashkent, who also moved to Moscow at some point of time. Lena and I as an example have been friends since we were eight. I have also met Gaiane and Roman back in Tashkent about five or six years ago. Lena was over at my house this weekend. And we spent pretty much the whole time talking. Oh I love talking to her. How cool is it to have someone continue your thoughts and think about the same exact things at the same exact moments. We talk about all different stuff, quantum physics, our old classmates, life in Russia and abroad, religions, pranks we played on teachers back in middle school, philosophy, the existence of god, good and evil, psychology, time, universe, dumb jokes, our friends, eh anything basically. This last week I stayed over at Lena's for few days. We watched "Down the Rabbit hole" and "The secret". These two movies together with the NOVA's "Elegant Universe" series, the book "TAO of Physics", which I am reading now, and my conversations with Lena and Anjan, finally helped me form my own view on the way world works. I mean I used to try to associate myself with a certain religion or philosophy. Throughout my childhood and teenagerhood I considered myself Christian, Atheist, Buddhist, Agnostic. Now I think that any predefined religion or philosophy does is nothing but putting mind in a cage and setting limits for it. Any human is perfectly capable of breaking this cage and setting his mind free. You don't have to be a buddhist to get to Nirvana and you dont have to worship all Hindu gods of you agree with some of their postulates. You dont have to be an atheist, if you don't agree with the Christian list of deadly sins. Just choose whatever you want to believe in, whatever makes sense to you and seems rational, because that is how you can achieve harmony with yourself. I am not going to write anything on what I believe in. Whatever makes sense to me might or might not make sense to everyone else. Just like when I say that my native city is Tashkent, Russia, people who know geography will try to correct me. I know that Tashkent isn't in Russia. But that is the way I feel. It makes sense to me and some of my friends I grew up with. That is the way we feel. But I digrass. Back to my summer. I am going to the black sea with my family and couple friends in few days and then, hopefully, I am going to Holland. Peace.

Let's go running.

I want to run. Like we used to, remember? When we didnt care if we are the only people running outside in January. When I couldn't stop laughing, because you were making me. You would tell me that Burger King has the best Cinnamon rolls. Or we would discuss Harry Potter at length. You told me you hated running with passion and only ran because of me. Me too. I hate it also. I was only running because you were. Then we went to that little diner. You drove. You wouldn't ride with me after that time we went to Qdoba and I almost killed us. You ordered hashbrowns and I had a fruit salad. And we talked. You asked me who I liked. I told you. And I asked you not to tell him. And I knew you never would. I miss you. Let's go running.

i guess you will do

i hardly ever watch videos online. But a friend sent me that and it sure captured my attention. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii-dVIYBVZ8

The perfect man.

I found him.

Daniel Lavoie.

Notre Dame de Paris

All of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L24vaxNH91w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5vNha50j9w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5jvIf9uu4g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FICutFuEIgg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqaomaGGo9s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxD-sJIQpxk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wplz02VtuhI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vCSY9OKzZA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHrZmZ1OJX4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz5uZiAsRFQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkbheXt3jKs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdpYta-XsRM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmTaOV7DVq8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39vjgORoNUA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfkQQxU8t5M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7vN2RL0te4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0sGpSBzuLg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GVDFhPhA3U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBXeXBpTVOk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZiG_TkcNvg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY30Qgj6LJM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0h3WdFScQ6E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5St9zF849o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9haieFFtzk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUQrt2i3mbQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov2LB7kRGWM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5BKYfqfucs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mPFOvHa0E4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbKYksxeXh8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-sIywUWBIg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDjFeWrqk3s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkjuTYnSvdM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5i8UvBPkwQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hH4JA_ezv4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j6AcpwYf-U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIhzJ4ys2QI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3rkN-PjqVU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-Y-A33jIaE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Geg1vd_ImKg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hClC3Ev17A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBYQKR4dF3M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFnquo2neqs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_QoESuLBLQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRVeyvg2808

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXUr2I7zcMg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIUgcU34aMU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2OnxTL0VSg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEfmoMt2R2c

Discuss?...

I like intelligent conversation. What I like to call discussion. What is supposed to be an exchange of opinions. I have a bunch of friends, who I like having those discussions with. It is fun. We talk, discuss and then everyone leaves feeling a little smarter. And it is great. But today, after talking to my father, I realised that I only have those kind of discussions with people who share the same opinion as me. And it goes like: -You know the Sun is yellow. -Yes, I agree, even though I think it is a bit white, but still more yellow. -Let me add that it is warm also. But yes of course it is yellow. -And it gives light and energy but it is also yellow. -Oh how interesting it is talking to you. -And you make a great conversation partner. Ew. Kind of sick isn't it? I think I might be a coward, but it happens very rarely, that I would have that kind of discussion with someone who thinks the sun is red. It would quickly become an argument and then maybe even a fight, depending on how strongly that person believes the sun is red. I hate fights. I am liberal, however I don't bring up that topic, when I am hanging out with a bunch of conservatives. I am not religious, but I would not argue the Big Bang theory, with a Catholic. No, that is not because I can't argue that. I just don't want to. Because I am afraid to hurt their feelings, to get in a fight, to spoil that nice friendly relationshop we have. Just felt like writing it out. Not that anyone will ever read that.

Poligamy.

Say a word 'polygamy' to any sane European woman and you might see her become a violent monster, who might throw a rock at you and break your jaw with a swing of a fist, or at the very least scratch your eyes out. Well not really. But they will say that polygamy is wrong. Now let's take a deep breath and ask ourselves why? Why not?
Polygamy has been natural to humans since the beginning of ages and is natural for most mammals as well. It is the way things work, because man is capable of producing a large amount of semen every day, while a woman can bear only one ( 2 or 3 in rare cases ) child for 9 months. No. I am not trying to justify a man sleeping with every woman he can get. That is not right. What I am trying to look at are the Islamic countries, where a man is allowed to have up to four wives. He has to be able to support them all and treat all of them in the same way. And four women living together become the best of friends. They grow their children together, cook, clean, go shopping. But what about love, family, trust, commitment? Seriously? Let's look at any European or American family, with the income above average. How many husbands have never had an affair? Not too many. Once a man starts making ehough money to support his family, he is very likely to find someone else to take out to dinner. Not because he is unhappy at home with his wife, just because it is a man thing. He is proving to himself that he is a male. And getting females is what males do. I am not trying to be a cool one-of-the-guys kind of girl. After all it all doesn't apply to me much anyways. I am going to get my degree, teach in college, make my money and won't give a damn of how much my husband, if I will ever have one, will make. But if I had a choice of being a stay-at-home mom, with husband who makes enough money and cheats on me, or being one of four wives of some sheikh in Arabic Emirates, I would choose the latter.

Stand by.

Airport. People. Planes. Flights. Suitcases. Tickets. Pretty normal way of traveling nowadays. Wait for your flight, come to the gate, board the plane. That's about it. Easy.

Very easy. Unless you fly stand by.

Many may not know what stand by is. For those I explain. Stand-by ticket is a cheap ticket. Usually 10 times cheaper than a regular one. So the flight you would normally pay $1000 for, will cost you only a $100. Now don't get all excited. That is not for everyone. There are people who are eligible for stand by tickets and usually they either work for the Air company or are related to someone who does. My father is a pilot in Qatar Airways and that gives me a great opportunity to travel almost for free. However as great as stand by tickets are, there are underwater stones, that come with them. Stand by passnegers don't have a date on their tickets, so they can fly any day they want, IF there are seats left on the plane 5 minutes prior to the end of boarding.

Last year I have flown Flint-Chicago-New York-Moscow. All stand by.

I left Flint at 6 am in the morning and by 10 am my plane landed in La Guardia airport. As my luggage was in JFK and that was where the plane for Moscow was leaving from, I had to get myself there.

Be happy :)

"The purpose of living is to be happy and useful" - Dalai Lama. I found this quote while making a little scrapbook for Mindy to take back to Holland. That is the simplest thing I have ever read. Still it seems so true. So I felt like sharing :)

Birds of feather flock together?...or Opposites attract?

He is from the city. She is a country girl. He is an atheist. She is a religious catholic. He is a chemical engineer. She started working right after high school. Do they have a chance? Or would they both be better off with someone, who is more like them? It depends on what are they looking for. Opposites do attract a lot stronger in the short term, however in the long run birds of feather are more likely to flock together.

Why is that? When two people meet and get to know each other, conversations between them always take place. Simply put, they talk. Taking to someone who shares similar interests and lifestyle as you, might not be as exciting as talking to someone, who is very unlike you. People like to try new things, and with someone who is different from you, there is a lot more chance to do it. After a while, however, it gets boring. All is discussed and new topics just aren't there. They don't read the same things, they don't watch the same TV shows, and they don't listen to the same kinds of music. That is when a lot of couples either break up, or get married.

Once marriage and “move-in- start-new-life” rush is done and talked over many times, there is a new choice: having a baby or getting a divorce. Babies tend to bond some families, because they give mommy and daddy things to talk about. However, once kids are old enough to make the conversation partners themselves, the chances of divorce increase again. Parents might still stay together though, “for the sake of children”. Then kids grow into adults and there is no reason for two people to be a couple anymore. Each decides to go his or her separate way, maybe regretting a little 20+ years of their lives. Some couples don’t get a divorce though, only because they don’t want to be old and lonely. Being old is usually enough.

Now let’s take a look at the couples, who do share similar values and interests. This kind of relationship is more likely to start off as a friendship, which might not bring a lot of excitement at first, however with time it gets more and more profound. They discover more things to discuss and gain more respect for each others views and opinions. And those are the kinds of couples, who fall in love a little more as each day goes by. Now, I am not an expert and all I wrote is based only on my personal observations, without any additional research. I might as well be wrong or that all might only apply to me. If you happen to read it and have an opinion on it, you would like to share, let me know.

A slice of pizza.

To say that I didn't like physics in high school is to say nothing at all. I hated it with passion. It seemed to be the most useless and irrational science. "Why do they make us study it, if I will never use it anyway?" - I used to complain. All the physics books I had in my room slowly traveled over to my brother's, because I knew for sure I was never going to read any of them. Four years later I was a Computer Science student at University of Michigan - Flint, thinking about changing my major to Computer Information Systems, because CIS students did not have to take any physics classes, while CSC had to take two. However, with the help of my family and friends, I convinced myself, that changing my major because of two classes was not worth it and registering for the Fall 2007, I signed up for Physics 243 class, determined to get a 'C' in it and get it over with. It was a part time job. The one I had to pay for though. I did not have time to do anything. I did not have a life. I did not have time to eat or to sleep. I was at school morning till late evening and I hardly ever did anything else other than physics homework. First month I lost about 10 lbs. We called that a "physics diet". Dana, a girl I knew from calculus class, we took the semester before, told me about physics tutoring lab, where physics tutors Trevor, Shawn and Tim were helping students who struggled with homework. I went in there few times, but still would work on most things on my own, because I thought it was the most efficient way. Moreover physics lab was usually crowded and I get shy around people I don't know. The first week of October, I came across a particularly difficult problem which I was not able to figure out. So I overcame my shyness and went to ask Trevor for help. Physics lab was empty. A note on the board said that SPS was having a Pizza Party for all PHY 143 and 243 students in the Michigan Room. I had no idea what SPS was, however free pizza sounded appealing, so I went on a Michigan room finding quest. Few minutes of wandering around and asking random people about possible location of Michigan room - and I found it. Considering I am not a rude person, taking pizza and leaving was not an option. I grabbed a slice and went over the the table where Dana and Trevor were sitting.

"What is SPS, guys?" - I asked after the exchange of "hey's" and "How are you's?".
"Society of Physics Students. Do you want to join?"
"No, I am not a physics student. I don't even understand physics" , - the idea of me joining an organization that has the word 'physics' in its name sounded ridiculous. Dana, however did not give up:
"I am not a physics student either. SPS is fun though. And you can always quit if you won't like it".

She convinced me. After all what bad can it do to be in a club? That is how I became a member of SPS. Being a part of the organization made me come to the physics lab more often. Eventually I started working on homework there. I would try solving problems myself, ask tutors to explain things I did not understand, or, eventually, explain things I did understand to my classmates. And one day... it clicked. I could almost see a lightbulb turning on above my head. No, it wasn't the case that suddenly I could solve any problem. I just realized that physics was rational, and that it did explain how the world works. It was making more sense than ever. Moreover there was some kind of connection between me and most physics students. We think alike and I really enjoy our conversations. I spent the whole semester basically living in the lab and you may call me a nerd, but those were fun times. People I met through SPS became some of my best friends. I got an A+ in the class. Now I am a physics tutor also. I changed my major anyways. Not to Computer Information Systems though. I love the way it all turned out. Physics certainly isn't a piece of cake... but a slice of pizza sometimes helps =]

My day.

My elementary school english teacher always made us write essays about "My day". Something in the lines of "I wake up, brush my teeth, comb my hair and have breakfast. Then I go to school... etc. "

That's my tribute to my elementary school days, writing about my college life.

Red symbols on my alarm clock are not wanting to turn into legible numbers. I close my eyes. Attempt number two. Slowly open my eyes again. 7:05. Stretch out my hand and try to reach for the snooze button. A little bit more, a little more - too far away. The clock sounds like it is laughing at me. And let me say, it got some really annoying laughter.

I try to get few more minutes of precious sleep in, however the alarm is laughing louder with each second. I get up and turn it off. The clock won again. We have this battle every morning and it always wins. Makes me feel a little defeated. 7:08.

Now it is time to make it to the bathroom. Right - Left - Right. Here I am. The mirror looks grumpy and sleepy. Hey, I did not get much sleep either! There is no reason to be all grumpy about that. I smile at the mirror. It smiles back. 7:10

Regular morning procedure: wash my face, brush my teeth. That hasn't changed much since elementary school. My parents got me and my brother in a habit of showering before we go to bed, so the sheets would stay clean longer. So morning shower is an option, which can be easily neglected considering the lack of time. 7:15

Finally make it to the kitchen. I need to clean. Sometime soon. I don't know when will it happen, but it will. I promise. Pour water in the teapot and start boiling it for my morning cup of tea. Get food for my kitten and make sure he has water. Open the fridge. Breakfast options include but not limited to: cereal, oatmeal, yogurt, eggs. Think about it for a second, look at the clock. Then open the freezer and get breakfast hot pockets. They are not what I call delicious, but pretty eatable and filling. Two minutes in the microwave and now I have a breakfast on a plate and tea in a cup. I turn the TV on and while eating my food try to listen to the news to have some vague idea of what is going on in the world. 7:35

Tea and breakfast are gone. I turn the TV off and go back to my bedroom. The mirror still looks grumpy. Look through my closet. Pick out jeans, that my friend Natalya gave to me, and a t-shirt. The weather is very nice today, but I still take the hoodie off a hanger. I love hoodies. They are so comfy and cozy. Now back to the bathroom to straighten my hair.

Don't look for something that isn't there.

...just an advice. Mme. Germaine de Stale, who by the way, was the only woman Napoleon Bonaparte was afraid of, because of her sharp mind and the different way to think, said "People will believe anything if they really want it to be true". I am not sure what circumstances that was said in, maybe some political games and interactions, maybe it was a comment dropped about some speech in front of the army, or maybe that quote was never actually said and is only accredited to her. Who knows. "Don't look for something that might not be there" That's an advice I would give to any girl who will ever read that, my daughter, if I ever have one, and myself. Before you decide that someone likes you, think about how much you want him to like you. If it is a lot, you might be fooling youself. He may smile at you, talk to you, or help you around - that only means that he is a nice guy, that he likes you as a friend, that he enjoys conversations with you. Be happy with that. He likes you as a person. Don't try to make something else out of it. You might end up losing a friend. Here is an extract from a conversation between two of my friends a while ago:

She: So how do you tell if a boy has a crush you?
He: If a boy has a crush on you, you won't have to tell. He will tell you.

So girls, don't try to guess. Just wait and see. =]

Eureka!

When I was a kid I always thought Eureka was Archimedes' wife or maid and the reason he screamed the name was because he needed someone to mop the water. Here is a short essay on that. "Eureka!" - screamed Archimedes when the bathtub owerflowed as he stepped into it. Eureka came rushing into the room. Thanks Zeus, her husband wasn't hurt. They have been married for 30 years now and she knew how clumsy Archimedes could be. This time it looked like everything was fine. "What happened?" - she asked, - "You didn't stretch your back again or anything?" "No , no honey, I am alright. Can you please get me a mop?" Eureka looked at the floor and noticed water all over it: "How many times did I tell you not to fill the bathtub all the way up?" "But I like it when it is full." - Archemedes was trying to say something in his defense. "Haven't you ever noticed that if you put something in the water, the level of water goes up? Fill the crater with water and drop few apples in it!" - Eureka went to get a mop, thinking: "What a smart man, but sadly no common sense. Not at all..." ...cherchez la femme :)

Dear...

" Dear ... I am sorry to tell you, but I got back together with my ex-girlfriend. You guys should meet. She is kinda like you except a little thinner. You will always be in my thoughts. ..." That is the card I got today for one of my friends. Signed with his name. I thought he might find use for it in the future. Good thing he has a sense of humor and also thought it was funny. I love these kind of cards. My friend Asinda got me a whole book of them and they make me laugh. "Dear ... I would tip you, but then you would actually think you are good at it" Isn't it so mean, but also so funny? This is the one I came up with for my lovely sis. Mindy: "Dear sister, Remember the time when you thought I tried to kill you and I said that I was just peeling an apple. Well, we were out of apples. Hope you don't mind Bunches of love, Anya"

Open mind vs Morals.

Isn't it a little hard to be open minded and in the same time have morals? Think about it. Having morals a lot of times means sticking with some certain behavior. Suppose Joe Shmoe doesn't smoke. He doesn't do it because according to his morals smoking is bad. Doing bad things is wrong. The people who do wrong things are foolish. ( I know the logic here doesn't follow all the way, but bear with me for now). Now Dan does smoke. So according to Joe Dan is a foolish man. Joe just was really judgemental and certainly not open minded. If Joe was open minded, then we would say, that it is Dan's personal choice to smoke or not to smoke. Therefore Joe also would have the same choice. And if smoking doesn't make Dan a foolish man, it doesn't make Joe either. So Joe may as well take up smoking. Now he was open minded but didn't stick with his morals. Intuitevely a lot of us find that line of equilibrium. The ones who don't become ultra conservative or ultra liberal. I am trying to stay in the middle, but I tend to lean more towards liberal side.

Sisters.

"If it will be a sister I will feed her with candy and cookies. If it will be a brother, I will feed him with onions and garlic." That is how a 3 year old me reacted to the fact that my mom was going to have a little one sometime soon. The he was born. My brother. My worst enemy and my best friend. I don't know how many times we fought and am really surprised that neither of us is dead yet. Now we finally get along. We laugh whenever we talk, I can tell him almost anything and he is pretty much the coolest brother one would want. However I wanted to tell about my little sister. Yes I got a sister. You didn't know that did you? Her name is Mindy and she is 17 years old. She is from Holland. And I am from Russia. But that's because our father traveled a lot. No. Just kidding. That is how we fooled quite a few people though. She is staying with the same family I was staying with up until I moved out on my own. So we started considering ourselves sisters. We are a lot alike actually. Seriously, how many people would want to stay up till 4 am talking about completely random stuff? Like fate, destiny, friendships. We also both are weird. But in a good way =] We look at the world through same lense. And she seems to understand me sometimes better than I can understand myself. Both of us are more into art than sports, and we love a lot of the same music. We have a thing for 1970 and probably would be hippies if we lived back then. One thing that sucks is that she has to go back to Holland in 3 weeks and I will miss her alot. On the bright side I am going to visit her over there in August =] Oh also I did my best trying to feed her with cookies and candies over this year.

idk...my bff Nat

I met Natalya only about a year and a half ago and we became friends almost right away. She is great. The kind of friend that every girl needs, who will listen to complaints about boys being boys, laugh with me and at me, and be there for me when I need her. We are opposites of each other. In some ways. I mean we are alike in a way that we both are Russian, but other than that we are very different.

• She is the most organised person I ever met. While I am the most disorganised.
• She always has everything planned ahead, while I usually don't know what I am doing the next day.
• She is married and doesn't want to ever have kids. I would rather have kids than marry.
• She loves heels and classy things. I am more into boyish "I don't care what I look like" style of clothing.
• She is very responsible. I am the very opposite.

We don't agree on a lot of things. But we make great friends nevertheless =]

I learned...

Tim, Joey, Zach and I went out to get lunch at Jimmy Jones today at Grand Blanc. There was that poster on the wall named "I believe". I loved it.
I figured that all that I believe should be based on what I learned. Just because I try to be rational. So here is my list of what I learned. I might be adding more to it later on. As I learn.

• I learned that true friendships will last no matter how long it has been and how far away you are.
• I learned that if you take time to get to know people, you will find something great about everyone.
• I learned that you will believe anything, if you really want it to be true. Most people will.
• I learned that the hardest things in life have the best rewards.
• I learned that you are not supposed to put regular soap in the dishwasher.
• I learned that you have to step up and take chances.
• I learned that family is always a family, not matter how far away you are.
• I learned that posing for pictures is pointless. Best pictures capture the moment.
• I learned that laughter is the best cure.
• I learned that it is easier to learn to forgive others than to forgive yourself.
• I learned that friendship is more difficult than love. Love can become jealous and possessive. Friendship is pure trust.
• I learned that you cannot fit a lawnmower through the door, that is not as wide as lawnmower is.
• I learned that even love unreturned has its own rainbow.
• I learned that best friends are the ones you can sit with for an hour without saying a word. And it won't feel awkward.
• I learned that if you understand that friends change you will not need to change friends.
• I learned that writing is the best way to get your mind organized.
• I learned that you gotta do what you love. And love what you do.
• I learned that emotions are individual and you are never totally capable of understanding how someone else feels.
• I learned that we are always responsible for own own actions and decisions we make.
• I learned that 'forgive and forget' doesn't always work.
• I learned that saying 'good bye' is so much easier when you know you will get to say 'hello' soon.
• I learned that believing is more simple yet infinitely harder than understanding.
• I learned that "every feeling you are showing is a boomerang you are throwing". And it will always get back at you.
• I learned that you hardly ever miss places or people. You miss times that were had. With those people at those places.
• I learned that hard work always pays off.
• I learned that life was much easier when there was someone saying "NO. You are not allowed" ... however it is more fun now =]
• I learned that braking using transmission works. But is far less effective than brakes.
• I learned that if you don't report your hours, you don't get paid.

Love, even unreturned has its own rainbow.

She is laying on the floor looking through photo albulms. Here it is. The photo of the man she loves and the man who loves her.

She smiles as she looks at a picture. She has never been that far in love before. He is that perfect man she has been looking for. The most handsome, the most intelligent, the most amazing man she has ever met. She loves everything about him. His smile, his voice, his eyes. She loves the way he talks, the way he writes, the way he thinks. Seems like him and her will never run out of things to talk about. She learned so much from this man and has had some of the best conversations of her life with him. And she knows there are more to come.

And he loves her. A lot. He finds her occasional dumb moments a little funny and he thinks she is smart. She likes the way he looks at her. He tells her that she looks pretty and he notices if she dyed her hair or got a new haircut. If he sees that she is sad, he is always trying to make her feel better. He is always there for her and is ready to help. He is the man she can count on and the man she could call at 2 in the morning just because she had a nightmare. And he wont be mad. He will think it is cute. Because he loves her. Ideal situation isn't it?

There is a problem with it though.

Select the space between the arrows:

->There are two men in the picture <-

Bravo, my friend!

You want to talk, 

Don't try too hard 

It's just a play 

You've played your part

And you did great 

Bravo, my friend! 

They seemed quite true 

All things you said. 

You've practiced many times 

Those lines. 

Please dont feel bad, 

You know I'm fine. 

I know next time

I might do better 

Though I can't act 

What does it matter? 

The play is over 

Curtains close 

Now you should bow: 

It's your applause.

Photography.

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."Alan Cohen

Don't hold on to your past no matter how great it was. You can go back to the same exact place with the same exact people, and it will not be the same. We live in four dimensions, one of them being time, which changes the world every moment. And there IS power in this change. And the life IS this change, going from one moment to another.

There have been attempts to capture those moments for a very long time. Back in the Ancient Egypt people were carrying little bottles filled with pleasantly smelling oils with them. You would smell one of your bottles whenever something good would happen. And each time you wanted to go back to that moment you would smell it again.

Photography offered an amazing new way to conserve the moments, we want to remember. Take pictures, and each time you want to travel back in time, open up your photo album. Those are the moments you lived. Those are the moments you enjoyed.

...and it was said

Quotes:

"Mindy, show me your underwear!!!" ~me
"...so are we going tanning tomorrow?" - me interrupting Mindy's speech on the purpose of life
"I am so happy I wasn't born without upper lip" ~Mindy
"Mindy! Why is our food standing here?" ~me
"It is not about you. It is about me. I don't like you"
"You are so irresponsible! If I were like that I would kill myself" ~Natalya
Jared looking at the sweater in the store: "...it's so ugly...made in Thailand...should've stayed there"
"I want to be a hippie. I want to be with friends in a field. With a guitar. I want to sing and dance all together. And pick flowers. Because that is what hippies did. And then all have sex.... But no." ~Mindy

Physics lab quotes:

-so let's talk about something smart. like plato. -playdough?
"I am your moral support and pervert coach..." ~Zach
"Do you want to be tired?" ~Trevor  
Me: Why are chinese kids so smart? Mike: They are not. There are just more of them.
You have to tell kids there is God. It is like easter bunny or tooth fairy. ~Mike
You know when squirrels get mad and have mouth full of nuts... ~ Zach
Integrate the shit out of it. ~ Mike
What's wrong with sex. FCC doesn't bleep it so it is OBVIOUSLY good. ~ Richard
This is Mark. He is my Helpdesk. ~Me
She (Dr. Tu) wants to fight you with math. ~Shaun
I am going to get you so drunk, I am going to have a hangover. ~Trevor
What the flux is that? ~ Jamie
Don't be a farmer. ~Paul
Integrate that hoe. ~Paul  
Me: Would you like candy? Barry: Is a frog's ass water tight?
Trevor: Why isn't there no garbage can? Coffee shop lady: Well usually when people order coffee to go. They GO. Trevor: Touche...  
Dana: I think we will need a little break once we get there. Anjan: To get some coffee? Dana: To get rid of some coffee.
Me: So what happens to people who drop out of high school? Dana: Well that is where your fast food comes from.

Perfect man...

... makes enough money, so I could do the job I enjoy.
... knows how to cook
... doesn't have much time to cook, but when he does cook - it is deeelicious.
... always dressed nicely
... likes to clean
... is smarter than me
... doesn't exist

He is IMAGINARY. But it is fun to imagine him. (:

love or hate ?

Love/hate In Russia we have a saying : There is one step from love to hate. Never thought it was so true. The same qualities in the same person may trigger completely different feelings, depending on whether we like them or dislike them. Like: 

• outgoing (loud),
• funny (obnoxious), 
• sexy (obsessed with sex), 
• laid-back (lazy), 
• sarcastic (mean). 

 Each one of us has two sides to their personality. There are no totally good people or totally bad people. It is just what you see. But seriously, would you rather meet a guy who is outgoing, funny, sexy, laid-back and sarcastic, or someone who is loud, obnoxious, obsessed with sex, lazy and mean? As funny as it is, that might be the same person. :\

Friends all around you =]

My sister came home after visiting Detroit Autoshow today with few foreign exchange students. After telling us about the cars she saw, their walk around Detroit, how warm it was inside and how freezing cold it was outside she added: - Jessie and I talked for two hours on the way home. I am going to call her tomorrow and we will hang out. Jessie is an exchange student from Germany. Mindy has known her almost since the beginning of the school year. However they never talked to each other before. We all have so many potential friends around and sometimes all we need is just a little conversation to actually get the friendship going and make each other's lifes a little better. I gained few new friendships lately and as I look back I regret I haven't become friends with these people earlier. I had a class with Dana in Winter 07. We had D'Souza's Calc 2 together. We talked a little, but never actually had time to get to know each other better. In Fall 07 we had Linear Algebra and were both Society of Physics Students secretaries, which made us a bit closer, however only after going to Florida I basically realized how much we do have in common and we finally became friends. And I have known her for a YEAR. Zachary was in two of my classes in Fall 2007. We knew each other, however we never talked. It took one day of studying for physics and linear algebra together for me to see that he is fun and that we should be friends. Now we are :) However last semester would have been more fun, if only we talked on the first day of classes. Anjan was in my Linear Algebra class. Once again I knew who he was, however I was always a little intimidated to talk to him. It took us an hour to make a huge pile of pancakes for breakfast in Florida and to get to know each other. One hour. And we could have been friends for over a semester now. It is all about taking your time to get to know people around you. Don't take being shy for being stuck up. Some friendships do come naturally: you meet this special person and you feel like you have known them forever right away. However some friendships need a little push, a little force applied, if you will, to get going. Don't wait to apply this force. Talk to people, get to know them and try to see a friend in everyone you meet :) Hope you guys don't mind I talked about you in my little journal thingy. I am really glad I got to become friends with each one of you and wish we became friends earlier:) And sorry for getting nerdy in the end, however it was the best analogy I could think of.

WWSD

I spent a significant amount of my life over the past year in the MSB 217. aka Physics tutoring lab.

So I came up with that one night when I was bored: You are taking physics if...
* ... you know who Trevor, Shawn and Tim are
* ... you know about the candy bowl and you know who broke it
* ... you ever came in the MSB 217 just to get free candy
* ... you are familiar with WWSD ( What would Shawn Do ) strategy for solving physics problems, which is way more efficient than STAR
* ... green checkmarks make you happy
* ... you know who Bearded man is
* ... you know where you can find the slowest computers on campus
* ... you ever considered a "physics room campout" before the exam
* ... you see people from your class more than your family
* ... you have your name on the "Quote of the day" poster
* ... you ever refered to MSB 217 as "second home"
* ... you hate physics with a passion
* ... you love physics with a passion
* ... you know that it is impossible to study in the Physics lab, yet that is where you do your homework for most of your classes
* ... you ever did your physics homework using Warren's excel spreadsheet
* ... you have been tempted to try on the Expanding Universe. And probably couldn't resist the temptation.
* ... you know that if you have to go Dr. Grafe's office to ask a question, you better go at least an hour before your next class... but you will be late anyways.
* ... you know that you will almost have a minor in archery by the time you are done with your physics requirements
* ... you managed to put all of the homework problems on a 3x5 notecard
* ... you had been to a physics pizza party in the lab
* ... you leave notes for other people on the black board
* ... you know where all those trays, piled up by the door came from
* ... you dislike people wo never do homework and come to the lab to get the answers
* ... you never do homework and just come to the lab to get the answers
* ... you ever got a problem right without even having to read it
* ... you know that if you are doing homework by yourself, you have 5 attempts, if you are doing it with a friend you have 10 attempts, if you are doing it in the lab you have 20+ attempts
* ... you ever ate breakfast, lunch and dinner in the MSB 217
* ... you can finish the phrase "Bad Boys..."
* ... you have been present or heard the story about hate being a strong word. haha
* ... you know that if it smells like coffee...
* ... you remember how physics lab got its own microwave and coffee maker.
* ... you leave all your stuff there, because someone will sure 'look after it'.