ah, that was nice.

“You are the only person that I care about and I wish that you felt the same way about me.” -Shane, back in July

New Years

Shane and I are still not sure what we are doing for the New Years. Not that it bothers me. It does suck that ALL of my friends are not in Michigan, so we really don’t have any options. Here is the list of people I would LOVE to bring in the New Years with, but I can’t.

1. My family (but they are in Russia)
2. Mindy (in the Netherlands)
3. Lena (in Germany, actually Prague currently)
4. Natalya and Marc (in SC)
5. Todd and Courtney (in WI)
6. Jazmin, Silas, Ben etc. (who are in Arkansas)

It’s okay though. Shane is still here, so at the very least it will be two of us.

I am a physics major. I do enjoy the problem solving part of it. But I wish I was a little more patient and had more talent so I could be an artist. I love to draw, to take photos, to fool around with photoshop. I have tried to take up drawing so many times, but physics ends up taking over my life and I never have time to draw. This starry night took me over a year to finish. (Actually I only worked on it only for 3 days out of this year and I just finished it yesterday) I will put up a picture later.

Date night

Shane and I and Stephen went on a date night today. Honestly no one referred to it as a date night, but that’s pretty close to one. We make a cute triple, I guess. We watched Sherlock Holmes, which while confusing the hell out of me for the first 1.5 hour, finally made sense in the last 10 minutes and turned out to be a good movie. After the movie we went to McDonalds to get ice cream.

Now Shane and Stephen are playing Rockband and I am doing this, while waiting for laundry to be done.

Badass?

I went out with Shane and Stephen couple days ago. We ate at a restaurant. Then we got some drinks, cigars, hookah tobacco. I spent a bunch of memory space on my camera trying to get a photo of Shane looking badass. I have one photo of my father like that. He sits at our kitchen table, surrounded by expensive alcohol with a cigar in his mouth. He looks like he can kick anyone’s ass.

With Shane the badass picture did not turn out that great.

I am not sure what it is though. One of those maybe.

1. Cheap booze vs. expensive wine
2. Glasses?
3. Running shirt vs. maroon robe. Actually that might be it
4. Age?

Meh. Who cares anyways.

Shane and Stephen are at Goodwill right now getting suits. Maybe in a suit or a trench coat with a pipe and a hat, my boyfriend will overbadass by father.

I am pathetic.

Life

I decided to write another post that no one besides maybe myself will ever read. Yep. Just a "my life" update. I am almost done with school. One semester left. I really can not wait for the next semester. So many exciting things are coming my way. I get to (hopefully) take FRN 309. That will be great. I hope to bring my french back to the level I was at 5 years ago, where I can talk. I will also be in Visual arts class which will be very fun (or I hope so) . Shane and I were together for over a year now. (I believe almost a year and 3 months). That is very exciting and is going to be our first Christmas together. (I was gone last year) He is pretty much the greatest guy I could ever ask for and we get along great ( most of the time ). We both have changed a lot since we first started dating and it is definitely for the better. I learned to be more patient about a lot of things and so did he. We have a lot in common, though we do have some different interests. I am more of visual arts person, he is more of music person. But that's only makes it better. By the way, I love that he plays guitar. That automatically makes him at least 20 times more badass :) We have a lot of fun together and I feel very close to him. Maybe the closest I have ever been to anyone. I can trust him with everything, much more than I trust myself. Today we went to a Christmas party with few of my friends from high school. That was a lot of fun and the fact that Shane was there made it only better. He makes the best jokes without even intending to. It was great. As we were driving back I was thinking about how much I love him. I believe he is the man of my dreams and I know that whatever happens we will be together. I love you Shane Paul White, more than anyone ever <3

Here. I can post whatever surveys I want and it wouldnt annoy anyone :D

Is the last person you texted single? I don't rememeber when was the last time I texted Do you get jealous easily? I think so Are you wasting your time on the person you like? I hope not What are you currently waiting for? Christmas and next semester Do you think more about the past, present, or future? Future Honestly, do you really love the last person you said I love you too? Yes, why would i say it otherwise Who were the last people you saw besides from family? People in the computer lab If something was wrong who would be the first girl you'd go to? Natalya or Jazmin, too bad they are both down south. I need to move. Who's thinking about you right now? Maybe my mom Is this year the best year of your life? It been good. Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis? Nope. I want to since it makes my skin look better in the short run and gives me skin cancer in the long run. What are you currently listening to? Nothing Does your bedroom need cleaning? Yes. My whole house does. Do you act differently around the person you like? No, since we've been living together for over a year it would be real hard. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Yes. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? A few. Do you like thunderstorms? Not really. How fast does your mood change? Pretty fast. Are there things that can't be joked about with you? Not really. What do you always take with you? Nothing. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more? Yes Do you crack your knuckles? Yes Would you ever want to swim with the sharks? Not really. They seem dangerous. Does anyone know your passwords besides you? Shane used to up until I had to change them. Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks? Yes What would you do if you found out the person you liked had a girlfriend? Try to not like him. What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? Energy drink I bet you miss somebody right now? Yes Do you get high a lot? No, i don't. Is there someone you can tell anything to? Shane, Jazmin, Natalya At this moment in time if you HAD to have someone's name tattooed on you, whose would it be? My mom's and dad's Has anyone called you perfect before? Yes. hahahahahahahahaha. Do your best friends parents like you? Lena's do. Have you ever been on a motorcycle? Yes with Shane. Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don't? Not really. What's worse: liars or cheaters? you can't cheat without lying can you? Does it matter if your boyfriend / girlfriend smokes? YES What's usually colder, your hands or your feet? Hands Do you think two people can last forever? Yes Is there someone that cares about you more than themselves? My mom Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader? No Do you ever cry during romantic movies? I used not to but now I do all the time Do you always answer your phone? I need to start Who was the last person you had a sleepover with? Shane, Todd and Court since they all live at my house Are you ticklish? YES What were you doing an hour ago? at work

Back

Look back in time - it's not that red shifted
In their eyes on that old picture.
Stacking the blocks, which do not fit
All falls apart at a slightest wind.
Picking up pieces, trying their best,
Building a castle, which they know will not last.
Exchanging the thoughts, sharing the dreams
They wrote their song, now it's time to leave.
Look he is smiling - forgotten feeling,
She is not crying, that can not be real.

Playgrounds

Shane and I went to Flushing Park and played on swings. It was right before I was about to leave for the weekend. It was also 4 days before we decided to start dating.

We went to Elms Park and played on swings and playground. It was few days before I had to leave for the summer and 4 days before we broke up.

So I guess it is game. It started on a playground and it ended there as well. Just like hide-and-go-seek or cops and robbers. Boyfriends and Girlfriends (?). Ha.

Well at least it was a fun game and I sure wouldn't mind playing it again.

Graduate school I will apply to

1. I need to send my evaluations from MESI. Number is 219997. The website is http://www.ece.org/main/content=IndividualFAQ&SubSite=1&LeftNav=5#13 It will only be around $100 for all the schools I am going to apply to :) 2. While I am in Russia I need to have MESI send my real transcripts to all schools I am applying to Now here is the list of schools: University of Colorado at Boulder, one of the professors here in Arkansas graduated from there and he really liked it. Plus all my friends who have been there liked it as well. Plus I LOVE mountains. Plus they seem to have a really good program. Minus: no beach + cold winters. Plus: If Shane and I will end up together, that is where he wants to go too. http://www.colorado.edu/prospective/graduate/academics/physics.html -Need GRE, Need Physics GRE -Deadline is January 1st -Need 3 letters of recommendation -$50 application fee Arkansas Center for Space and Planetary Sciences, well I like it here a lot. I love people and the atmosphere. Oh and the weather. http://spacecenter.uark.edu/91.htm -Deadline is January 15th -Need 2 letters of recommendation -Need regular GRE University of California - Irvine, it is Cali! There is beach! Trevor will be going to this school, so I will give it a shot as well! http://www.physics.uci.edu/NEW/gradapp.shtml -Need regular and physics GRE -Need 3 letters of recommendation -$90 application fee -Deadline is January 15th University of California - Santa Barbaba, same as Irvine. Replace the name "Trevor" with the name "Vinod". I know I am lame choosing school based on what friends are going there, but that is because I know they like it there, so I should too. Ahh there are sooo many graduate schools!!! http://www.graddiv.ucsb.edu/admissions/faq.htm Caltech, that is my "really really good school, which i won't make it to, but I at least will try just to make sure" My advisers here in Arkansas graduated from Caltech, so I may ask Dan to write me a letter of recommendation. -Need both GRE's -Need 3 letters of recommendation -$80 application fee www.gradoffice.caltech.edu/admissionchecklist.htm Univerisity of British Columbia, once again beach and mountains and good school (ranked 2nd in Canada!) Minus - kinda chilly. Plus - I LOVE Vancouver. http://www.grad.ubc.ca/apply/how/index.asp -150 CND Application fee -Need regular GRE Vanderbilt University, http://www.vanderbilt.edu/gradschool/prospective_students/index.php#degrees :) Lehigh University They waved my admission fee.... So why not? :)

Summer 2009

So I have been making lists of the all the fun things I did in Summer 2007 and Summer 2008. I figured I will start early on 2009, before I forget...

~*Internship, studying space and making money
~*Caving for the first time in my life. Devil's Den = Great
~*Going to Mars, aka Western Oklahoma with the fun group of people
~*King's Island with my sister, Shane and Dan and getting a terrible sun burn
~*Aquarobics and Rock Climbing!
~*I started RUNNING!!! 5.5 miles so far!
~*Bars and dance clubs!
~*Texas trip and all the "seductive" pictures by me and Jazmin.
~*Me being VERY middle-schoolish :D
~*Going to the lake with Jazmin, Deric and Silas and eating delicious cooking by them.
~*Mountain view weekend
~*Fireworks with Deric's uncle
~*The most beautiful cave. It was so great.
~*Jumping of 30-feet cliff with Deric and Silas. That lake was the best.
~*Stargazing with Deric and Matt
~*Floating down the Elk river with really cool people. Twice.
~*Eureka. And the weird Jesus statue.
~*Hey, my man....
~*Party back home with physics kids
~*Russia and hanging out with family and friends

Imagine by John Lennon

Imagine there's no Heaven

It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace
You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Myself

I talked to Trevor the first week I was on REU here. Well talked is not an exact description of what was I doing. I complained to Trevor about how much I missed everyone and how lonely I was here. He said: Lonely is a part of REU! You will get to learn about yourself. No large group of friends to cloud your thoughts, just you. I was skeptic about it. I learned all I needed in 3 days I was away from Michigan. All I wanted was just for this REU to be over, so I could go back to my friends. Now it has been almost three weeks. And these three weeks have been great. I sure do miss everyone a lot, but I did learn a lot about myself, my ex-relationship with Shane and my friends. First and I think most important thing I learned was that I am my own person, or I may have just remembered it. (I guess all girls say something like that after break up, haha). But seriously, up until May 25th, everything I was doing, I was doing with Shane, unless he hated it, like shopping. I wouldn't even do anything unless I talked to him before. It wasn't that he would have a problem with me doing my own thing, it was that I didn't want to do it. Here it is all different. I get to do things that I want to do, pretty much when I want to do them. I have tried a lot of things that I would have never tried back in MI. I fell in love with rock climbing, went into caves and took a fitness class. I started RUNNING. Seriously Anya and running never got along before. I ran 5.5 miles! I guess I could have been running with Shane back in MI, but I always felt like I would slow him down or disrupt his experience in some way. Here it is just me and my ipod. And yea it took me an hour to run those 5.5 miles, but I did it. Second was that I am not as shy as I always thought myself to be. I met a bunch of new people just couple weeks ago and maybe it is just that we live together, but I did feel comfortable about them from day two. Amazingly enough it took me almost a semester to start feeling comfortable around my friends from home (Trevor, Anjan, Todd, Courtney, Shawn). Third is that I love my friends from home. They have been very supportive during my first couple weeks, which would have been so much harder without them. I have enjoyed so much our long phone/chat conversations, because I felt like I was participating in some way in their lives, while I had them to tell about my adventures here. I miss all of them a lot and my friends, and Simba are the reason why I still want to go back to MI, from all this fun here. Those of you who know me well, probably know that I am extremely self-conscious. I always have something wrong with my body, my hair, my face whatever. But I think I found the way around it. I started to work out, so now I feel like I look better every day and I decided that it is time for me to start getting haircuts regularly. I have been quite satisfied with the way I looked in the past couple weeks and I am extremely happy about it. (I know it is not about the outside and the true beauty is on the inside, but outside is important as well). I believe those are the important things I learned for now, Thank you, Trevor, Have a good day, whoever reads it.

Simba

Is the greatest cat that ever lived :)

He likes to bite and throws up hairballs,

But still he is amazing.

He purrs really loud and has nice fur.

And his tail is the greatest.

And I love Simba.

I had him since he was few weeks old.

He was a cute kitty.

He has his own facebook page as well.

You can add him if you want to. His name is Simba Kashkanov.

love.

I have had multiple crushes. I've liked some guys. I liked few of them a lot. I even thought I was in love. But that was nothing like what it is now. Every day I spend with Shane makes me happy. He makes me a better person, and I would love to be able to do more for him. I can never think of things to do though. He is amazing. All I want to try my best and make him happy.